The last 2 months have truly felt like a blur. I’m in a state of “no planning”, which feels strange as I’m normally the person with a written down plan and a strategy for how to get there. When something happens that knocks the wind out of your sails, you don’t really expect to stop sailing. Why isn’t the boat moving?
“How are you?”, “How’s your app development going?” and “Hows the bakery?” have suddenly become complex questions. I need to go deep to explain why I’m not doing as well as I expected. On paper, I feel like I’m failing, but in reality, I’m enjoying one of the best seasons of my life. I feel bad for enjoying this season when I’m not “successful”. I don’t mind people asking and I don’t mind explaining, but when I do it feels like I’m not making any sense.
Juggling a few projects at once is not my strength. I’m much better in a focused state and that’s probably what I need to learn between the kids, the baking and the few hours I have left to spend on myself, learning Rails and building Klop. Maybe this is just a post to help me justify my lack of “success”? I’m not sure, as the heart is deceitful, but that’s what blogging is for right? Expressing your thoughts, sharing your experiences and connecting with the human in others?
The world is changing at a faster pace than what people realize. I don’t think we were created for this fast pace. We simply cannot keep up. I think the folks who do really well here aren’t the ones trying to keep up. They’re the people setting the pace. The ones who make the rules and own the track. The faster things get, the more blurry life will become. Well that’s one idea.
The other idea is that we slow down. We focus on doing less, but with higher quality. We learn to live with less that what we think we need. We try to be where we are. We focus on enjoying what we have now, instead of leaning towards what we hope to achieve. Maybe then it won’t feel so blurry? Maybe it’s just a blurry season? No-one really knows as we probably only learn in hindsight.
Despite the blurry feeling. I know the last few weeks were impact full. I can see it in my relationships. I sense that my levels of joy are much higher. I feel a greater sense of calm and I care a lot less about the idea of “success”. What truly matters has a sharp focus and that’s what I hope to continue in.
I’ll tell you more about how the app is going, the stressfull exeprience as a baker and my future plans, but toady I’m just glad that I finally got to sit down and write. I hope you have a wonderful day ahead!